How Coaching Changed the Way I Lead (And Why It Will Change Yours Too)
There's a moment I think about often when I reflect on how coaching reshaped the way I lead.
It wasn't during a coaching session. It was at my day job, years ago, when I was leading teams and navigating all the complexity that comes with working alongside people who are bringing their full, messy, beautifully human selves to work every day.
The moment was when I finally understood something that felt so obvious once I saw it: our behavior is shaped by how we feel. Not just occasionally. Not just when we're upset or overwhelmed. All the time. We do, or don't do, something because of an emotional experience we're having underneath.
That insight changed the way I approached people, especially in group or collaborative settings. And it didn't come from a leadership seminar or a management book. It came from coaching.
Why Understanding Emotions Makes You a Better Leader
When someone delays turning in part of a team project, it's easy to label them as disorganized, distracted, or just not committed. But if you pause long enough to consider what's underneath the surface, you might notice something entirely different. Maybe they're nervous about how their work will be received. Maybe they're unsure how to ask for help. Maybe they're mentally exhausted from something happening at home that has nothing to do with work.
Understanding that emotions drive behavior made me a more curious leader. It made me more patient in conversations. And it helped me step back and ask more thoughtful questions, because what's driving someone's behavior is often invisible if you're not looking for it.
This isn't a soft skill. Research on emotional intelligence consistently shows that leaders who understand and respond to the emotional landscape of their teams build stronger trust, create more honest communication, and sustain higher performance over time. It's not that emotions make leadership harder. It's that ignoring emotions makes leadership less effective.
There's also the outdated idea that emotions have no place at work, that they're too "soft," and that many of us have been trained to believe that being expressive is risky to our careers. And yet, every decision we make, every action we take, is influenced by what we're thinking and how we're feeling in that moment. If I were running a team today, I'd want to understand that. I'd want to support people in a way that acknowledged the whole reality of what it means to be human, not just a productive contributor.
How Coaching Skills Change the Way You See Your Team
The longer I've worked with people, the more convinced I've become that coaching isn't just about understanding ourselves. It's about how we understand and relate to one another, especially when things get hard.
Coaching gave me language for something I'd always sensed but couldn't quite articulate: so much of what we do is driven by our desire to be seen, to be understood, and to belong. That perspective is useful in every space I've ever worked in.
It explains why a colleague might be overcompensating or taking over conversations and interrupting more than usual. When you see that behavior through a coaching lens, you start wondering what they might be protecting or trying to prove, rather than just labeling them as difficult.
It explains why someone might sit silently through a meeting when you know they have something valuable to contribute. Instead of assuming they're checked out, you consider that they might not feel safe enough to speak, or that they're processing in a way that needs more space.
It even shows up in families, when we make decisions not based on what we want but based on how safe or included we feel.
When you understand what people are protecting or trying to preserve, it changes how you engage with them. You become less reactive. More thoughtful. Less judgmental.
I sat down with Emily Gibson on the Beyond the Rank podcast to talk about exactly this: how coaching skills transform leadership. We explored why so many leaders end up in burnout, the difference between managing a team and actually coaching them, and how emotional regulation is the skill that changes everything for leaders who want to show up with clarity and calm instead of exhaustion.
Why Holding Space Is the Most Underrated Leadership Skill
One of the most generous things we can offer someone is our full attention.
But so often, that's not what happens, especially in moments of stress or intense emotion. When we're busy, we rush to the next thing. If we're uncomfortable, we try to move on quickly. When a conversation feels heavy, we listen with one ear while mentally preparing for our next meeting or deadline.
It's very human. And it's also something we can shift if we want to connect with others more deeply.
When I think back to some of the most important conversations I've had, especially the difficult ones, the thing that made the biggest difference wasn't a perfect solution or a well-crafted response. It was simply being willing to stay in the conversation. To listen fully. To reflect back on what I was hearing. I share some conversation tips in this blog post.
That kind of presence doesn't mean you're taking on someone else's emotional experience. It means you're willing to respect it. To hear it without minimizing, avoiding, or redirecting. And that small shift builds real trust between people.
I think one of the biggest misunderstandings about coaching skills is that they'll feel too emotional or too vulnerable. And to be fair, that fear makes sense. Emotional awareness can feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable, especially for people who haven't had much exposure to such reflection. But emotions don't disappear just because we ignore them. They influence how we behave, how we connect, collaborate, and lead. The question isn't whether emotions are present in your workplace. They are. The question is whether you have the skills to work with them constructively.
What Happens When Leaders Get Curious Instead of Reactive
Some of my favorite conversations lately have been with people who aren't coaches and don't plan to be.
My sister-in-law, for example, works in cybersecurity and leads large teams. When she's navigating a demanding boss or trying to keep the sales team aligned around a shared financial goal, our conversations always circle back to curiosity rooted in coaching principles.
What are the people working for her potentially thinking? How might that be impacting how they feel, and what they choose to do or not do? What might make someone feel safer or more supported on her team?
Sometimes we even walk through what a specific person on her team might be thinking and feeling. Not because we can know for sure, but because taking the time to imagine someone else's lived experience changes how she responds to them.
And when leaders do that, everything improves because new awareness and options become available. Communication becomes more honest because snap judgments have been suspended. Collaboration becomes easier. People feel more seen and understood, and when that happens, they show up more fully.
This isn't about being a therapist or doing emotional labor that isn't yours to carry. It's about recognizing that leadership is fundamentally a relationship, and relationships work better when people feel understood. The same curiosity that makes coaching effective makes leadership more human, more honest, and more sustainable.
How to Know If Coaching Skills Would Transform Your Leadership
If you're reading this and wondering whether coaching skills are relevant to you, even if you never plan to coach anyone formally, here are some things worth sitting with.
Do you notice yourself making quick judgments about why someone on your team isn't performing, without pausing to consider what might be going on underneath? Do you feel like you're carrying the emotional weight of your team on your shoulders, motivating everyone else while quietly running on empty? Do you wish the conversations on your team felt more honest, more productive, less surface? Have you ever had a difficult conversation where you knew the other person needed to be heard, but you didn't quite know how to hold that space without trying to fix it?
Do you find yourself reacting to people's behavior rather than getting curious about what's driving it? Do you lead at home, with your kids or your partner or your family, in ways that feel more reactive than you'd like? Have you ever thought, "If I could just understand what's really going on with this person, I could work with them so much more effectively"?
If any of that resonated, you don't need to become a coach. But the skills that coaching teaches, emotional awareness, deep listening, curiosity before judgment, holding space, understanding what drives behavior, those skills will make you a better leader in every room you walk into. I explored this on Jackie Murphy's Studio CEO podcast, where we talked about why mindset is the real ceiling on business growth and why you can't outwork beliefs quietly working against you.
That's exactly what we teach inside the Golden Coaching Certification Program™. It's not only for aspiring coaches. It's for anyone who leads others and wants to do so with greater emotional intelligence, clearer understanding of human behavior, and greater capacity to hold difficult conversations without burning out. The certification begins with self-coaching, because you can't hold space for someone else's experience if you haven't learned to hold your own first. You'll learn how to talk to yourself differently, make decisions from your own clarity, and show up in every room as the leader you actually want to be.
Coaching is not just for coaches. It's a set of tools that help us be better humans. Better listeners. Better collaborators. Better friends, parents, partners, and leaders.
And in a world that feels increasingly quick to judge and slow to listen, those skills are more valuable than ever.
Learn more about the certification →
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
About Katie Pulsifer
Katie Pulsifer is a Master Certified Life Coach and the founder of the Golden Coaching Certification Program™, a training program for women who want to learn how to compassionately coach themselves and others to create extraordinary results. She specializes in working with high-achieving women who look great on paper but feel unfulfilled, helping them rebuild self-trust, make aligned decisions, and stop postponing the life they actually want. Katie's coaching is grounded in neuroscience, radical self-responsibility, and the belief that your worth is inherent, not earned. Featured in Life Coach Magazine →
