It All Started with a Juicy Peach
In the fall of 2014, I was in Manhattan for a corporate business trip, sitting in a chic little restaurant in the West Village, with a journal open in front of me and absolutely no idea what to write.
The page was blank.
I’d been staring at it for over an hour. My dinner had come and gone. The sky had grown dark, and the city was vibrant and alive outside the window where I was sitting.
The assignment from my life coach was simple:
Write about what brings you joy.
But I couldn’t.
Not a single word.
I was so disconnected from myself—my own preferences, my own desires, my own voice—that I couldn’t access anything even close to joy.
Everything in my life at that time was about meeting expectations.
What my career needed from me.
What my failing marriage required of me.
What mothering an eleven-year-old demanded of me.
I had grown so used to making decisions and choices through the lens of other people’s needs, systems, and structures that I didn’t even recognize the lens anymore. I thought it was me.
But it wasn’t.
So I sat there, imobilized. Embarrassed. Frustrated. A little ashamed. And completely blank.
After an hour of white-page silence, it finally occurred to me that I could manipulate the question.
I stopped asking, What brings me joy?
And I started asking, What is one small thing I love?
And something in me softened.
It was very subtle. But it was real.
The new question didn’t feel like a test I was failing.
It felt like a beautiful door I could open with the gentle turn of the knob.
I told myself, “Keep it small. Just one thing.”
And with a deep breath, I picked up my pen and wrote:
A juicy peach.
That was it.
That was the thing that broke the blankness within.
That was the memory, the taste, the smell of a juicy peach that got me back to me.
From there, more followed:
Sunshine on my shoulders
Watching flamenco dancers in Spain at midnight
The smell of the ocean
A deep conversation with a close friend
My solitude
Thirty minutes later, the page was full. My heart opened, and there was so much more to say.
All because I changed the question.
Why This Matters for Coaches
Sometimes the questions we ask (ourselves or our clients) don’t open the door—they unintentionally reinforce the stuckness.
Not because they’re bad questions. But because they just don’t just land in that particular moment. And that’s ok.
That experience in NYC taught me so much and was the beginning of a reconnection to myself that I am profoundly grateful for.
11 years later, I’ve also learned the right question doesn’t always come first.
As coaches, we patiently listen as our clients find their answers.
And we also need to be willing to riff on our questions.
To pivot.
To listen again.
To offer something gentler, simpler, or go in an entirely new direction, when needed.
The goal isn’t to ask the perfect question.
Instead, it’s to help our clients access their wisdom through flexible and responsive question-asking.
For You (or Your Clients) Who Feel Disconnected
If a question ever shuts you down—if you ever stare at a blank page, like I did, and feel more confused than before—that’s not a failure of you. It’s an invitation to shift the question.
You get to make it smaller, easier, sillier, or something else entirely.
You get to soften the ask and see what wants to come through.
And sometimes, what comes through first isn’t a big insight or huge revelation.
Sometimes, it’s just a juicy peach.
P.S. If you want to get more confident crafting and shifting your questions, I’d love to share my free guide: The Impactful Coach’s Question Guide
It’s full of prompts to help invite awareness with your clients and with yourself. You can grab it here.
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
