When I Stopped Making Myself Wrong
A few years ago, my coach asked me a question that caught me by surprise.
We were talking about some day-to-day details in my life at the time—planning a family gathering, finishing a work project, even signing up for a future volunteer event—and she said gently:
“You’ve mentioned the word dread at least six times.”
And she was right.
At first, I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I wasn’t dreading the upcoming work and events themselves. I wasn’t avoiding the responsibility. I wasn’t even particularly overwhelmed by my schedule.
But still, that feeling—tight in my chest, low in my stomach, a kind of quiet heaviness—was always there.
So we slowed down and got curious about it.
What I discovered in those sessions has stayed with me ever since and changed everything about how I show up for my life and my business.
The dread wasn’t about doing the thing.
It was about what I knew I would feel afterward.
Every time I completed something meaningful, whether supporting loved ones through a difficult time, hosting an event, or launching a new idea at work, I braced for what always came next: regret.
Not because things had gone terribly wrong. But because I only looked for what had.
Every typo. Every awkward moment. Every tiny hiccup I hadn’t predicted. Every result that didn’t match my hopes.
And when I found those imperfections, I made them mean one thing:
I’m wrong.
Not “That was a mistake.”
Or “That could’ve gone better.”
And definitely not “Here’s what I’ll try differently next time.”
Just: I’m wrong. I did it wrong. Something is wrong with me.
And it was happening everywhere.
I hadn’t realized this was the lens through which I was viewing my work, my leadership, my parenting, and my life.
But it was distorting everything.
Once I saw it with my coach, I was able to start making changes.
I could start asking: What if regret isn’t inevitable?
What if I could be the one to decide what a “good outcome” really means?
And if I stopped expecting perfection and started seeing missteps as evidence of growth, what could I create?
Now, I know how to go into things knowing they won’t be perfect.
Knowing I might have missed something, I wish I’d handled it differently.
Knowing I’ll probably learn something on the other side, I couldn’t have known at the beginning.
But I don’t make me wrong for it.
And that changes everything.
Especially when you’re building something as vulnerable and meaningful as a coaching business.
Because if we only feel safe when things go perfectly, we’ll never keep going long enough to serve the people we’re meant to help.
Three Steps to Shift Out of “I’m Wrong” Energy
Here are three simple yet powerful tools I use (and teach) to help coaches break the cycle of self-blame and move forward with greater trust and clarity.
1. Name the Pattern Out Loud
Self-blame is very sneaky. It shows up quietly in your thoughts: “I should’ve caught that.” “This is my fault.” “I’m not cut out for this.”
Start by naming it: “Oh, here I am making myself wrong again.”
That awareness gives you space to pause and create a slight separation from the learned pattern, allowing you to practice a different approach.
2. Ask: What’s the Real Emotion I’m Avoiding?
Often, the story of “I’m wrong” is covering up something deeper, such as an emotion like fear, vulnerability, or the discomfort of being visible.
Try asking yourself:
“What am I actually feeling right now and why?”
“What do I anticipate feeling in the future and why?”
”Out of all of the emotions available, what would I like to feel in the future and why?”
3. Redefine What “Success” Looks Like
Instead of judging yourself by whether things went “perfectly,” decouple perfection from success.
Success can mean completing something despite making mistakes. Or it could mean feeling vulnerable and doing it anyway. And success can definitely mean breaking the habit of making yourself wrong by continuing to take imperfect action.
That’s what matters. That’s what builds trust in yourself over time.
Final thought:
You are allowed to do things imperfectly and still be incredible at what you do.
Your mistakes are not proof that you’re broken or that something is wrong with you.
They’re proof that you’re learning, growing, and putting yourself and your impactful work into the world.
For Comments:
If you didn’t allow yourself to make yourself wrong, what would you try to achieve this week?
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
