The Dance Between Hope and Hesitation

When Hope Shows Up Like a Spark

Hope.

It shows up fast. Like a small, warm light turning on inside of us.

As a life coach for women, I see this exact dance between hope and hesitation all the time — in my clients, in my daughter, and in my own mind.

Maybe it is about your health. Or a promotion at work. A relationship you desperately want to repair. 

Maybe it is the money you want to save. A new client. Maybe it is simply the idea that you could feel better in your own life.

Hope can arrive in a single sentence.

“This could work out.”
“I could do this.”
“It might get better.”

The Protective Voice of Hesitation

And then, almost immediately, you hear another perspective.

“Do not get your hopes up.”
“You know how this usually goes.”
“It probably will not work out.”
“Don’t want it too much.”
“You’ll be disappointed again.”

If you know this pattern, you are not alone.

I see it everywhere.

I see it in my own mind. I see it in my clients. I see it in my daughter’s life right now as she applies for jobs.

She will send in another job application and feel that little hopeful spark. Maybe this one. This could be a good fit. I hope they call.

When Past Disappointments Take the Lead

And then the hesitation shows up right behind it.

• Don’t get too excited.

• Or attached.

• I can’t risk thinking this is the one.

That hesitation tries to sound logical and very smart. It stacks lots of evidence, lining up all the times things fell through in the past.

Remember, here is what happened last time you hoped for…
This is why it will not work, because it didn’t work before.
It’s better to lower your expectations now.

It can sound realistic and responsible. Even protective, almost like a parent trying to keep you from getting hurt.

And sometimes it has a judgmental quality.

Who are you to hope for that? People like you do not get things like that.
You already have so much. It’s so selfish to hope for more.

If that sounds familiar, you might also love “The Hidden Cost of ‘I Should Be Grateful” where I explore what happens when gratitude becomes a way of shutting down what you really want.

Here is what I want you to notice.

That voice of hesitation does not mean that something will go wrong

It tries to protect you from potential pain by dimming the light of hope too early.

It tries to save you from potential embarrassment. From wasted effort. From failing publicly. From wanting something too much.

The Hidden Cost of Shutting Down Your Hope

But that protection comes with a cost.

When you shut your hope down quickly, you can disconnect from your optimism.

You start hiding what you want, even from yourself.

You keep your dreams small and quiet. You downplay them. 

Sometimes you give up on what you want before you even begin. Or sometimes you begin and then talk yourself out of it, right after you get started.

This is especially common around the new year, but it happens year-round.

Hope rises, then hesitation rushes in to take control and reset more “realistic” expectations for what is possible.

A Simple Practice: Stay in Hope 60 Seconds Longer

So I want to offer you something simple this week.

What if you did not try to get rid of hesitation?

What if you just delayed it?

What if you practiced staying in hope for sixty seconds longer than usual?

Not to force an outcome. Not to lie to yourself. Not to pretend everything will work out perfectly.

Just to let wanting be allowed.

Letting Yourself Want What You Want

I love this sentence.

I don’t know how this will go, and I am still letting myself want it.

For example.

I do not know if this consult call will turn into a client, and I still hope it will.

I do not know if I will feel less anxious, and I still get to believe it can change.

I do not know if I will get that job, and I am still excited that I applied.

Hope is allowed to exist without an action plan, before proof.

And it’s allowed to exist even when the past has been hard.

One of my clients has been working with this exact thing lately.

She will say, I hope this consult goes well.

And then immediately she will say, but do not get your hopes up, you did not sign your last client.

Hesitation rushes in.

Another client wants to live her life in a less anxious state.

She wants it so badly. She is hopeful, and then she gets pulled into a long list of evidence stacking trying to prove that will never happen.

I have always been anxious.
Here are all the times I was anxious in a similar situation.

Protective hesitation to the rescue.

If you tend to catalog every past disappointment, it can be powerful to practice the opposite. I share a simple way to do that in “Collecting Evidence of What’s Working.”

Hesitation as Fear Dressed Up as History

It is fear dressed up as history.

The most powerful move is not arguing with it.

Instead, you want to notice it.

Oh. There you are.
You are trying to protect me.
You are trying to keep me from being disappointed.

And then coming back to the hopeful part of you.

The part that wants something different.

The part that lights up.

How to Gently Answer ‘Don’t Get Your Hopes Up’

If you want a tiny practice that does not require a journal, try this.

When you catch yourself saying, do not get your hopes up, pause.

And then add this sentence.

I hear you. And I am still allowed to hope.

Or this one.

Maybe it will work. Maybe it will not. I still get to want it.

This is how you build the skill of hoping and staying in optimism. 

Not by being fearless.

By being willing to hold on to hope a little longer.

By letting it exist in the room before hesitation turns off the lights.

Over time, this changes how you move through your days.

You’ll take more chances. You feel more positive. You’ll stop waiting until you're 100% sure. And you will treat your hope like something worth protecting, too.

When you notice yourself shrinking your dreams or talking yourself out of what you want, you’re not alone. I wrote more about this in “Stop Negotiating Down What You Want”.

When You’re Ready for Support: Life Coaching for Women Who Are Holding Both Hope and Fear

If this dance between hope and hesitation feels familiar, this is exactly the kind of work I do as a life coach for women in my private 1:1 coaching.

You bring the thing you want, the thing you are scared to want, or the thing you keep talking yourself out of.

And together we slow it down enough to hear what is really going on inside you.

Not so you can force certainty.

So you can stay connected to yourself while you move forward.

With immense appreciation and gratitude. Always.