5 Coaching Mistakes That Drain Your Energy (And What to Do Instead)
Starting your coaching practice is exciting, meaningful, and full of possibilities. You've invested in your training, you're ready to serve, and you know you can help people.
But it's also full of moments that stretch you in ways you didn't expect.
You care deeply about your clients and want them to succeed. You want to show up fully, ask powerful questions, and create impactful sessions. But sometimes, in all that effort, doubt creeps in. It has this sneaky way of influencing your thinking. It might sound like: Am I giving them enough value? Are they going to get the results they're paying for? Do they think they've made the right decision in hiring me?
I know this doubt well, because I've been there. Early on, I often worked much harder than my clients. I over-delivered, second-guessed myself, and then over-delivered some more. I constantly worried about whether I was doing enough. Instead of feeling fulfilled and aligned, I felt drained and more doubtful. Instead of trusting my clients, I felt overly responsible for them.
It took time and a lot of practice to realize that coaching isn't about doing more. It's actually about doing less. More here on other skills that I built.
Here are five early coaching mistakes that drain your energy, so you can move through them quickly or skip them altogether.
Mistake #1: Overpreparing for Sessions Instead of Trusting the Conversation
New coaches put a lot of pressure on themselves to run "perfect" sessions. They spend extra time before a call preparing elaborate plans. They think through every possible direction a session could go. They pull together frameworks, journal prompts, and strategies, just in case.
I used to do this too. I believed that if I was really prepared, I would feel more confident in the session.
But here's what actually happened: my sessions felt more rigid because I was attached to my plan. I worked harder than my clients, overloading them with tools instead of trusting their process. And I spent so much energy preparing outside of sessions that I felt depleted before they even started.
Preparation isn't bad. But overpreparation is often a sign of self-doubt wearing a productive disguise.
If this sounds familiar, give yourself a set time limit for prep and stick to it. Remind yourself that the real coaching happens in the conversation, not in the notes you write beforehand. And notice where you might be holding on too tightly to how a session "should" go instead of meeting your client where they are.
Less overpreparing, more presence. That's where real trust, and better coaching, begins.
Mistake #2: Trying to Convince Your Clients to Believe in Their Own Transformation
Early on in my coaching career, I thought part of my job was getting my clients to believe in change as much as I did.
If they seemed unsure, I'd explain a little more. If they weren't entirely convinced, I'd double down on why they should care. I spent way too much energy trying to make them see what was possible for them.
Here's what I learned the hard way: if I was convincing, I was working too hard.
Coaching works best when the client is ready to take ownership of their own growth. When I stopped trying to "sell" my clients on their own transformation, everything shifted. I showed up more neutrally, which gave them space to come to their own insights. I let go of feeling responsible for their motivation or results. And I felt more confident in my ability to meet them where they were, not where I thought they should be.
If you catch yourself working harder than your client, pause and ask yourself two honest questions: Why am I so attached to them seeing this right now? And what am I making it mean about me if they don't?
The best shifts happen when the client, not the coach, decides they're ready.
Mistake #3: People-Pleasing Inside Your Coaching Sessions
So many new coaches, my past self included, feel a subtle but powerful pressure to make their clients feel good. We soften our questions. We avoid letting the silence stretch too long. We choose words carefully to make sure our clients are comfortable.
Of course, coaching is built on kindness and care. But coaching isn't about keeping people comfortable. It's about helping them grow.
Some of my most meaningful client breakthroughs happened in moments when I asked something that made them pause and really think. When I let them sit in their discomfort without rushing in to rescue them. When I trusted that their transformation didn't have to happen on my timeline.
If you notice yourself holding back, ask: Am I protecting their comfort or supporting their growth?
You can be kind, compassionate, and direct. You don't have to choose between warmth and honesty. The International Coaching Federation's core competencies specifically name the ability to "share observations, insights, and feelings without attachment" as a marker of effective coaching. That means saying the true thing with care, even when it's uncomfortable, is not just permitted; it's the standard.
Mistake #4: Filling the Silence Instead of Trusting the Coaching Process
I remember one session where my client was deep in thought. A powerful question had landed, and instead of answering right away, they just sat with it.
At first, I held space. But after a few moments, my discomfort kicked in. The silence felt too long. Were they stuck? Did they need a different question? Should I help them find clarity?
So I did what many new coaches do. I stepped in. I asked a follow-up question to "help" them process. And the moment I spoke, I saw it. The shift that had been forming inside them disappeared. My words had pulled them out of their own reflection.
That was the day I learned that trusting the coaching process means trusting the silence (and doing less - which I wrote about extensively here.)
I used to believe my role as a coach was to guide my clients to their breakthroughs. Now I know my role is to create the space for them to discover it on their own. When I stopped filling silences, stopped trying to move the conversation along, and stopped making sure every session felt "productive," I started seeing clients having deeper, more meaningful insights on their timeline, not mine. Sessions felt lighter but had even more impact. And I felt a lot less pressure on myself to make coaching valuable, because the value was already there.
If you ever find yourself wondering, "Should I step in? Should I reframe this? Should I move the conversation forward?", pause. Let the moment breathe. Trust that something is happening, even if you can't see it yet.
You don't have to do more. You just have to trust more.
Mistake #5: Overthinking During Sessions Instead of Being Present
For a long time, I wasn't fully present in my sessions. I wanted to be, but my brain was working overtime. Instead of listening deeply, I was thinking: What's the best question to ask next? Is this session going deep enough? What if they don't get anything out of this?
It was exhausting. I was so focused on getting it right that I wasn't actually in the coaching conversation.
Then, one day, I was in a session where I had no idea what to say next. My mind went blank. At first, panic set in. But instead of scrambling for the next question, I took a breath. I stayed with my client.
And something amazing happened. They kept going. They found their own next thought. They uncovered something deeper.
I realized I didn't need to be perfect to be a great coach. I just needed to be present.
The moment I let go of trying so hard, my coaching changed. I started trusting that the next right question would come when I stayed in the moment. That the client's experience mattered more than my evaluation of the session. That the coaching was working, even when I couldn't see the impact right away.
If you ever find yourself overanalyzing, second-guessing, or trying to "fix" a session while it's happening, take a breath. Come back to presence. Coaching isn't about performing. It's about being with your client.
How to Know If You're Over-Efforting in Your Coaching
If you've been overworking, overthinking, or overcompensating in your coaching, you are not alone. Most coaches go through this. I wrote about overworking inside the coaching container in this article. The question is how long you stay there.
Here are some things worth reflecting on honestly:
Do you spend more time preparing for sessions than the sessions themselves? Do you feel drained after coaching, even though you love the work? Do you find yourself doing the emotional labor that belongs to your client? Are you afraid of silence in sessions? Do you leave a session replaying what you said, wondering if it was enough? Are you measuring your worth as a coach by whether your client had a visible breakthrough in that one hour?
If any of that resonated, the shift isn't about working harder or learning more techniques. It's about trust. Trust in yourself. Trust in your client. Trust in the process that brought both of you into that room.
This is exactly why I built self-coaching into the foundation of the Golden Coaching Certification Program™. Before you ever coach another person, you learn to work with your own self-doubt, your own people-pleasing patterns, and your own nervous system. Because a coach who trusts herself holds space differently. She doesn't need the session to go a certain way. She doesn't need her client to have a breakthrough on her timeline. She's grounded enough to be present, direct, and compassionate all at once.
That's the kind of coach I train. And that's the kind of coach your clients deserve. Learn more about how to become a life coach here.
The most impactful coaches aren't the ones who work the hardest. They're the ones who trust the most.
Learn more about the certification →
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
About Katie Pulsifer
Katie Pulsifer is a Master Certified Life Coach and the founder of the Golden Coaching Certification Program™, a training program for women who want to learn how to compassionately coach themselves and others to create extraordinary results. She specializes in working with high-achieving women who look great on paper but feel unfulfilled, helping them rebuild self-trust, make aligned decisions, and stop postponing the life they actually want. Katie's coaching is grounded in neuroscience, radical self-responsibility, and the belief that your worth is inherent, not earned.
