The Subtle Ways We Abandon Ourselves (and How to Come Home Again)

Picture this…

You’ve crawled into bed, finally. The house is quiet, the lights are out, and you’re ready for the good night’s sleep you’ve been promising yourself since 3 pm.

As you settle in, you do a quick scan of your day, not a formal inventory, just that little check-in we can’t help but do. What kind of day was it? How did I do today? And how am I feeling right now?

And the truth is, you’re not exactly sure how to name the emotion.

It isn’t failure. You got so much done. You answered the emails, moved projects forward, handled logistics for your family, and kept your promises to others.

But still, something in your body feels… off.

What is it?

Maybe it’s disappointment. Perhaps a trace of resentment. Maybe just regular fatigue. But beneath it all, there’s this subtle quality of missed connection.

Somehow, despite all the doing, you abandoned yourself along the way.

It’s not always obvious at the moment. It shows up in little, nearly invisible ways:

• Grabbing something quick instead of the healthy breakfast your body wanted.

• Staying in a conversation too long and leaving yourself racing to your next commitment.

• Discounting your services on a whim before you’ve even had time to breathe, coach yourself, and move through the temporary wave of self-doubt.

• Letting someone else decide the weekend plans… again, even though you had your own specific ideas about what you’d like to do.

None of these is catastrophic on its own. One or two wouldn’t even derail your week.

But when the micro self-abandonments stack up? They leave you with that unmistakable feeling at the end of the day: I did a lot, but something’s missing - connection with myself and honoring what I know I want.

And here’s what is worth acknowledging and honoring: it isn’t that your whole life is wrong. Absolutely not.

It may simply be that you’ve been in the habit of handing yourself over, bit by bit, without realizing it.

My invitation to you is not to criticize yourself. It’s to notice.
To catch the moments where you slip out of alignment.
To ask yourself if you’d make the same choice again, and if not, what you’d like to try instead.

Because when you stop abandoning yourself in those tiny, almost invisible ways, something powerful happens:
You end your day not only accomplished, but proud.
Aligned. And connected to yourself.

And that’s what truly feels like coming home to yourself.

A Simple 3-Step Scan to End the Day in Alignment

If you notice yourself crawling into bed this week with that unsettled feeling, here’s a gentle practice to try:

1. Spot the micro-abandonments.
Replay your day. Notice the small moments where you didn’t quite honor yourself — the skipped workout, the rushed “yes,” to a collaboration or project partnership that you have reservations about. Please resist the impulse to judge yourself. Just name and notice.

2. Ask: Would I make that choice again?
For each moment, check in honestly. Sometimes the answer is yes — because compromise was worth it, or because it was the best you could do with what you had. Other times, you may feel a tug of regret or misalignment. Your answers provide essential data.

3. Imagine tomorrow’s redo.
Choose just one moment you’d handle differently and imagine what you’d say or do next time. Not to beat yourself up, but to rehearse staying on your own side. This is how you retrain your brain to make self-honoring choices and to minimize the habit of self-abandonment.

With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.