The Ache of a Wish You Haven’t Let Yourself Have
Like most mornings, I was out early walking and listening to a podcast.
The guest, Cal Newport, was talking about the difference between a to-do list and a wish list.
His point was this: most of us treat our to-do lists like wish lists, because we wildly overestimate what we can actually accomplish in a day or week. And then, instead of feeling proud of what we did, we beat ourselves up for what we didn’t.
His perspective resonated.
Because yes, I have weeks where I copy the same unchecked items from last week’s wish list into this week’s “must do” list, just like a game of endless rollover.
But as I kept walking, I realized something else:
We don’t just have daily or weekly wish lists.
We also have bigger life wish lists.
The ones filled with the dreams we’ve carried for years.
The ones that light something up inside of us every time we think about them, and also sting, because they are still waiting for our attention.
Things like…
finally signing up for salsa lessons,
planning that trip with your best friend,
starting the podcast you’ve been thinking about for years,
or pursuing the creative project you’ve always tucked away for “later.”
These aren’t random. And they aren’t just passing whims. They are desires that we’ve held onto for a long time, waiting for the “right” moment to pursue them.
My Ice Dancing Wish
For me, one of those tucked-away desires was ice dancing.
I started skating when I was seven and continued until my mid-thirties. I remember being on the ice when I was seven months pregnant, and while I was in awe of how flexible and strong I felt, it was the first time my balance felt compromised. So I left the rink that day, knowing it was time to take a break. And that break unintentionally turned into 15 years of no skating.
But in all that time, I couldn’t shake the craving to go back.
I dreamed about skating.
I wrote “check skating schedule” in my planner every couple of months for years.
I made excuses about how busy I was, but the truth was… I was avoiding it.
And after years of that, the ache of not doing it became unbearable.
It felt out of integrity, out of alignment. Like I was lying to myself.
Because here’s the thing: I’ve always seen myself as someone who follows through. Someone who does what she says she’ll do. Someone who makes things happen.
And yet, there was this glaring contradiction: I wanted it —desperately — and I wouldn’t let myself have it.
When I finally did go back, it wasn’t easy.
I was out of shape.
I was so afraid of falling.
I was stiff, clumsy, and sore for days afterward.
But I kept going.
And each time I stepped back onto the ice, that deep, familiar comfort returned. The joy of gliding backwards, the sound of my blades carving edges in the ice, the feeling of cool air rushing past me.
It was worth every awkward moment, every ache, every ounce of resistance I had to push through.
Why This Matters for You
Maybe your wish isn’t ice dancing.
Maybe it’s signing up for advocacy work.
Or starting a group coaching program.
Or learning another language.
Or writing the book you keep talking about.
But I bet you know the feeling:
The restlessness of carrying a wish for years.
The ache of unmet potential.
The dissonance of wanting something and not letting yourself have it.
And the longer it sits on the list, the heavier it feels.
It starts to sound like: “See? You’re not following through. You’re letting yourself down.”
That’s why these wish list items matter. Not because they’re always life-changing in themselves, but because ignoring them chips away at your integrity, your alignment, your self-trust.
From Wish → Reality
So here’s what I want you to try this week:
Name one wish that’s been sitting there the longest.
Write it down. How long have you been carrying it? What’s the story you’re telling yourself about why it isn’t happening?Notice how it feels to want this and not have it.
Is it restlessness? Shame? Fear? Desire? What’s the cost of not doing it?Take one tiny action.
Not the whole thing. Just the first step. Look up class times. Tell a friend. Put the date in your calendar. Buy the notebook. Send the email. Give yourself the evidence that you’re in motion.
Because the ache doesn’t go away by ignoring it, it only softens when we honor it.
If You Want Support
If you’re craving help turning one of your long-held wishes into reality, now is the perfect moment.
That’s exactly what I designed the Fall Reset for: to help you sort through the list, see what really matters, and finally make space for it this year.
Together, we’ll move your wish from “someday” into “this season.”
Learn all about this incredible opportunity here.
Your one-on-one opportunity to work with me begins in October, and the limited spots are filling up quickly.
Together, we can bring your wish to life in a sustainable and exciting way.
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
