The Courage to Take Your Seat at the Table
Last week, I left you at the moment everything opened for her.
The moment my client acknowledged her truth.
And said, “Just the four of us in our pjs.”
If you missed it, you can read it here.
There is something sacred about seeing a woman speak a quiet truth she has swallowed for years.
You see it in her face and posture. The energy in the room shifts.
Sometimes it even changes her future.
This was one of those moments.
As she described that COVID Christmas, her whole body softened.
Her voice slowed, and a smile took shape.
Her shoulders lowered, and her breath deepened.
She told me about waking up without alarms or expectations.
She remembered the soft cotton of her pajamas.
The way the house felt still, as if the world had given her a day off from being in charge of everything.
Her family laughed together.
Nothing felt rushed.
She felt connected and calm, no longer feeling pulled in a hundred directions.
She remembered feeling peace.
And for the first time in a long time, recalling that memory with me, she remembered that she could want peace.
As she told the story, her eyes filled with tears.
Not sad tears.
Or overwhelmed tears.
Just truth tears.
The kind that comes when you finally admit what you already knew.
And when you stop running from yourself.
I asked her to stay with that memory.
Not to make a plan.
Not to figure anything out.
Just to sit with the knowing of what she most wanted.
She did.
And something shifted.
She looked down for a moment, took a slow breath, then looked back at me and said, “I’m allowed to want this.”
There it was.
The realization that what she wants also matters.
She had forgotten she had a say and was “allowed” to be part of holiday planning conversations.
She hadn’t remembered she had a seat at the table of decisions and priorities, instead of just standing off to the side, taking notes and executing the plan for everyone else.
This happens to so many women.
Most of us grew up watching our mothers and grandmothers put everyone else first.
We learned to care for our aging parents, to make holidays extra special for our kids, to keep long-standing traditions alive, and to hold the emotional center of the whole family.
We know how to show up for everyone around us.
What we were not taught is how to show up for ourselves.
Somewhere along the way, we stopped asking the most important questions.
What do I want?
What do I need?
What matters to me?
We lost the practice of pulling up our own chair to the table—the place where decisions are made and priorities are set.
And it is not our fault.
The generations before us modeled what they believed was right.
Our culture continues to praise self-sacrifice and endless giving as the highest form of goodness.
We are making progress, but many of us still wrestle with the belief that caring for others and caring for ourselves cannot happen at the same time.
The truth is, it can.
It can be both family and self.
Tradition and truth-telling.
Giving and receiving.
My client did not walk away from this session planning to cancel the holidays and stay in her pjs the whole time.
She still wanted to host friends and family.
She still wanted to cook the special meal for her father.
She looked forward to recreating the traditions her kids love.
But something important had changed.
She no longer felt trapped inside obligation.
She found a way to honor both what she wanted and what her family wanted.
She created space in the holiday schedule for both.
That is the heart of courage.
It is often quiet and invisible.
No one else may ever know.
But it changes everything.
Because once she named what she wanted, something lightened up inside her.
The resentment.
The guilt.
The pressure.
The dread.
All of it softened.
What remained was peace.
And agency.
And a woman claiming her seat at the table of decisions and priorities again.
If I could sit with every midlife woman for even five minutes, this is the one truth I would offer:
If no one makes space for you at the table, go get your chair and bring it to the table anyway.
Scoot closer. Take up a lot of room at the table with your calendar, journal, colored pencils, and your personal priorities.
Let your voice be heard.
Your life deserves your input.
You are not a guest in your own story.
You are the one who decides what happens next.
And sometimes all it takes to begin is one small moment of bravery.
Just like hers.
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
P.S. If you have forgotten how to ask yourself what you want, or you are scared of what the answer might be, or you feel guilty even thinking about your own needs, you are not alone.
But this is the moment to pick up your chair.
Walk into the room and take your place.
You deserve that.
You always have.
A Connection Call is where women come home to their own voice again.
It is a private, grounded, no-pressure space where we set it all aside and finally listen to what you most want.
You do not have to figure this out alone. You only need to take the first brave step.
Click the link below to book your free call.
