When I forgot I was a coach
Blending families is probably one of the hardest things I’ve done in the last decade.
And that’s saying a lot. Because I’ve done hard things:
Getting divorced.
Leaving my corporate career.
Letting go of the home where I raised my daughter.
Falling in love again. Starting my own business.
I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t.
I was so excited for Steve and me to bring our three girls together and create something new. I imagined shared dinners, slow evenings, laughter around the table.
I pictured them getting to know one another, forming real bonds.
And I also felt a massive amount of pressure.
Because this wasn’t just a new relationship.
It was five humans, a new under-construction household, two school systems, three sports teams, two exes, travel schedules, split holidays, dietary preferences, custody logistics...
And me. Standing at the stove. Shoulders up to my ears. Feeling sooooo nervous.
Most nights, I was making three different meals. Pasta for one, vegetarian options for another, trying to get creative while hoping no one noticed the tomatoes.
I’d prep conversation starters, trivia cards, and chalkboard wall games.
Trying to manufacture warmth, connection, and family.
And every night, as I stood at the sink scrubbing plates, I’d feel this tight ball of disappointment in my chest.
Why wasn’t it working?
Why wasn’t anyone excited like I was?
Why did it feel like no one was meeting me halfway?
And here’s the wildest part:
I was already trained as a coach.
I taught coaching. I lived this work.
But in those moments, I completely forgot the tools.
I forgot the one thing I now teach so many women: how to coach yourself when everything feels hard and overwhelming.
It took me weeks to finally sit down with a journal and tell myself the truth.
The truth was:
I was trying to control the experience for everyone.
I was over-functioning. Overcompensating.
And underneath it all was a good, human hope:
That we would feel like a family.
I had to remind myself of what I already knew.
I can’t control other people’s feelings.
Wanting connection doesn’t guarantee anyone else will feel it.
I can’t force closeness.
And I especially can’t force healing on other people’s timelines.
So I got honest.
This is my strong preference.
I want us to be close. I want us to bond.
And how human of me.
I had to give myself an enormous amount of grace.
And I had to stop trying to manufacture everyone’s emotional experience.
I remembered the truth that changed everything:
I can only control how I show up.
So I chose to soften.
To stay connected to my own emotional life instead of managing everyone else’s.
To be okay with being disappointed if “blending” didn’t happen on my timeline.
To bring the board game to dinner because I wanted to, not because I needed it to create magic.
And…over time, the blending happened.
The inner work I did inspired the same exact tools and methodology I now teach inside my Golden Coaching Certification™.
How to stop over-managing other people’s emotions
How to be kinder to yourself when you feel anxious, hopeful, or disappointed
How to feel your feelings and tell yourself the truth
How to be a coach to yourself first, so you can act with intention instead of reaction
How to cultivate more grace and self-compassion during challenging times
If any of this speaks to you—even a little—I want to invite you to explore what it could look like to learn these tools for yourself.
They changed my life.
They continue to change my marriage, my parenting, my relationships, and my work.
And I would be honored to teach them to you.
Join the waitlist for the Golden Coaching Certification™
You’ll be the first to know when enrollment opens for our next small group.
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
P.S. You don’t have to be a coach (yet) to coach yourself. Explore my Heart-led, Compassionate coach training by clicking the link below.
