You stop overworking by changing what the work has been doing for you, and not only your schedule. For most high-achieving women, overwork is tied to worth. Somewhere along the way, being useful started to feel like the same thing as being worthy. Until that loosens, every boundary you set gets renegotiated by Wednesday. You do less by trusting yourself more: deciding what matters, letting some things stay undone, and finding out the house of cards doesn't come down.
You're everyone's first phone call. And you're the last person on your own list.
Why do high-achieving women overwork?
So much of the way high-achieving women are socialized is to just shut up and deal. Be competent. Be the one who can be counted on. Don't make it about you.
I know that one from the inside. I took so much pride in withholding so much of myself to present a version of me that was competent, counted on, the go-to person. I talked about what that cost me with Dr. Brook Sheehan on Beyond Wellness Culture.
The women I coach describe the same pattern. If there's time in the day, they feel they should be working, and resting feels like being lazy or about to fail. They earn their vacations before they take them. Backing off feels like quitting on themselves.
And it's showing up in the research. In the 2025 Women in the Workplace report from Lean In and McKinsey, six in 10 senior-level women said they frequently feel burned out, compared with half of men at their level.
Why doesn't working harder fix it?
No matter how much you accomplish, it never feels like enough. No matter how hard you work, you're never caught up.
Working harder won't fix it. Working harder is what got you here. The overworking and over-efforting built a life that looks wonderful on paper, and now the way you got here is the problem.
And notice how you talk to yourself on the days you fall behind. For so many of the women I coach, it's far less kind than anything they'd say to a friend. You'd never let anyone talk to her that way.
If part of you also feels guilty for being tired of a life you worked so hard for, I wrote about that in The Hidden Cost of "I Should Be Grateful".
What happens when you try to slow down?
You want to do less without the whole house of cards coming down. So you try. You block off a Friday. And by Friday afternoon you're back in your inbox, because it felt too risky not to be.
The habits a demanding life required don't disappear just because you decide they should. When my husband retired after 24 years, I watched him catch himself racing toward a deadline that no longer existed. The pressure outlives the reason for it.
That's why slowing down takes more than a better calendar. I wrote about why the bravest thing you'll do is slow down, and it starts with trusting yourself enough to try.
How do you do less without everything falling apart?
I'll tell you what this looks like for me. I want to quit every Thursday, every single Thursday without fail. A year ago I was bawling my eyes out and calling my coach. Now I know what's happening: I've sprinted Monday through Wednesday, I've taken so many risks, I've been courageous all week. So Thursday is a super light day. I read a great book, I walk, I make plans with friends, and I don't make it mean anything that I want to quit.
This past summer I went further. I stopped logging onto my computer on Fridays unless I absolutely had to, spent as much time outside as I could, and only did the things in my business that I genuinely wanted to do.
Here are the three steps I teach for getting there, one for each part of The Golden Method:
Whole: write the bestie letter. Think of your bestie going through exactly what you're going through. She's tired, she's carrying everyone, and she feels guilty for wanting more. Write her a short note. Then read it back to yourself.
Wise: ask yourself first. Before you ask your partner, a friend, Google or AI what you should drop, ask yourself: What do I already know? What do I need?
Worthy: keep one small promise. Pick one small promise to yourself, like a light Thursday or a walk before you open your inbox, and keep it for seven days. Each kept promise is a deposit in your self-trust account.
Be kind to yourself. Listen to yourself. Keep your word to yourself.
How do you know if overworking is costing you too much?
Ask yourself:
Do I feel guilty when I'm not working, even on a day off?
Am I the first call for everyone and the last item on my own list?
Have I let my morning routine, my movement or my downtime slide "just for now," for years?
Do I talk to myself in a way I'd never talk to a friend?
When I picture doing less, is my first feeling relief or fear?
If you answered yes to most of these, you've been carrying everything for a long time, and no one, including you, has asked what you want.
Not sure what you actually want instead?
If that stirred something up and you're realizing you don't know what you want, answer my six questions. I'll send you a personal voice memo back.
You can also read how I help women figure out what they actually want.
P.S. If you're a woman who built a life that looks great on paper and wants it to feel as good as it looks, you can apply to work with me privately. The page tells you how.
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
Katie Pulsifer is a Master Certified Life Coach and the creator of The Golden Method, which helps high-achieving women stop outsourcing their knowing, start trusting what they want, and create a life that feels as good as it looks. She works with women over 40 who have built great-looking lives and know it's not enough anymore, without blowing up the life they've already built.
